05:30 the sun rises on McKeesport in one hour. shortly after, i shall strike. my juice squeezer is almost out, i could use a refill, but to risk being spotted at the BP by the target is too high to risk it. plus, i have to mud up.
05:45 sufficiently mudded. laying prone in the brush approx. 2000m from the BP. completely indiscernible from the nature around me. the target will never know what hit him.
06:30 i have finished my prayer nap cardio circuit. soon i will finish my juice squeezer. it looks like it may rain after all. i was a fool to balk at a 15% forecast. my contingency for this is shoddy, at best. i will pray again that it will not rain.
06:42 it is pouring. i have crawled under the cover of a hollowed out Japanese Zelkova trunk and am writing this from there. Fortunately, i have upgraded my tablet to a Microsoft Surface and can withstand the elements. I do not regret it. Unfortunately, it seems the rain has shattered my primary directive, and I must approach the target head on in plain daylight. except, not really daylight because it will still be raining. so. so the mud has washed off and i won't get to surprise him like i thought i would but I'll still be somewhat shrouded by weather. i must defecate.
06:49 another curveball. it seems my juice squeezer must have taken on contaminates. i know it wasn't the wheel bug i ate for breakfast because i have hunted those before and i would not make a mistake there. just experienced a menacing case of diarrhea. praying it will not come back.
06:57 i can't stop shitting and crying in the rain i have never cried from this before but i feel like i am being split open from the inside and the target should be rounding the bend any moment. the target. refocus on the mission. i must not fail. i pray with all my strength that he is late, like always. always fucking late. god this fucking saoijdijdajioiasd
07:13 okay........it is with great remorse and exhaustion that i report the mission a failure. like the old Nixon / Kennedy debates of '47, I had hoped this would have been another legendary McKeesport battle, but unfortunately, i was incapacitated at the time of the targets' arrival. granted, target Stephen Garvey was late, even later than usual, but he DID NOT stop at the BP for a bottle frappucinno, some skittles, and a handful of Slim Jims, AS I WAS INFORMED HE IS WONT TO DO, but no, NO -- even though he was LATE, he did not EVEN STOP AT THE BP. HE JUST CRUISED BY ON THAT STUPID VILANO WHILE I WAS, AGAIN, LOSING ALL BOWEL CONTROL IN THE BRUSH BY THE HIGHWAY. ALSO SOMEBODY DROVE UP AND HONKED AT ME AND DISTRACTED ME RIGHT AS HE WAS COMING, AND I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO RESPOND SO I JUST FROZE AND HOPED SOME OF THE MUD STILL CONCEALED ME ENOUGH TO CONVINCE THE DRIVER THEY WERE HALLUCINATING. ANYWAY FUCK THE MISSION, FUCK THIS WEATHER, AND FUCK THIS STUPID FUCKING MICROSOFT SURFACE SONOFAJD OSDOASDIJASDIOJDOAIJDIOADJSADI OJDIOSJ
<ERROR 1302 end of stream. Auto-Posting. . .>
<ERROR 1302 end of stream. Auto-Posting. . .>
I guess I'm starting to gain some new fans on the road.
Wheel Bug |
Notes: Thank you to Ben Kirberger for a borderline insane guest entry on the blog. Again, if you are interested in writing a guest entry, please feel free to email me at stephen.c.garvey.82@gmail.com.